Contemplation

Wew, its been more than a year since the last time I wrote on this page.

Last Tuesday I had lunch with my friends at a restaurant located in one of the tourism spots in Jogja, Tirtodipuran Street. Two of them, Putra and Jarot, are going to continue studying in Australia. That is why I called this lunch as a mini farewell party, yeah in case they don’t invite us for the next party haha. Putra told me that writing skill can be built by practice. I realized that I got a very bad degradation in my English skill since I didn’t practice it anymore, except using simple words for introducing English to my children. So, besides practicing it with my kids, I will regularly post in this blog as I did before.

What I want to share on this post is about my contemplation. I just joined a whatsapp group titled “mindfulness project”  few days ago. The admin of the group gave me to do lists day by day as a guide to help me doing everything mindful. The last to do list they asked me to do was spending 15 minutes doing nothing but focusing on everything I see. I was told not to make fantasy and to keep my brain silent. What was the result? I failed. LOL. Instead of doing nothing, I just couldn’t keep my brain silent. I stood at a corner inside my office building, watching many things outside the window (gas station with some people queuing, houses, rice field, rows of mountains, flying little birds, motorcycles, etc). Well it was really hard to stop my brain which usully works wildly. I couldn’t stop it thinking. All I did was contemplating. Since I can’t tell you about the result of that “silent brain moment”, now I’m gonna tell you a little of my contemplation.

Seeing a small house in the middle of the large rice field flew my mind to my children. I spend 7 to 6 everyday to work and leaving them at home. My eldest one is now going to the pre-school while my mother cares for her brother. I remember about how cruel I used to be as a mother. Being tired, I sometimes yelled at them and told them “not now!, wait a minute!, can’t u just stop disturbing me!?” when they asked me something. It made me remember about the main reasons behind everything I go through all the time. How could I unconsciously forget it and say those words to them? I should spend our precious time better, before they go to bed, before they become too old to comfortably cuddle with their parents every night. Well, I should make an apology and treat them better, as they’re my everything.

Thinking about my children also made me remember about the team, my husband and i. A team work that has been a commitment between us, a part of greatest support system in my life. After being committed to a long distance marriage for more than a year, we finally lived together. Thank God for this blessing. But I suddenly thought about our habits of quarrelling. Yes, i think releasing my emotions in a proper way is one of many things I should learn more. Our emotions should be released in order to build our inner peace. But one thing I have to learn more is releasing them in a good way, at the proper time. It will be hard, I know I am such a self opinionated person. But if water couldn’t beat fire, then what else could it be?

My office building is located next to a gas station. When I took a look at the station, I saw many people queuing. Some of them looked so happy (can’t wait for hugging their beloved ones), and the rest seemed so tired like they just did something really hard. What do I do? Although now I’m a little bit bored with my job routines, I can’t find anything to take me away from gratitude. I mean, I can still manage both of time and the workload pretty well.

Well. I got nothing but a reminder to gratitude more and treat anyone better, with love. We have many things that many people would die for and live for it. But do we dare to realize??